remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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