Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
