i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
