last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
