This girl is more easily done than said...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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