Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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