I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
where are my eyebrows?
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