that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
