she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
