I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
