Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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