I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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