I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
