Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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