My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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