Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
