why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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