You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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