We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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