he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
