I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
