NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i now understand why vodka
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
