just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
