some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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