i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
