Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
