I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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