she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I love having hate sex.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
