I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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