yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
