all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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