i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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