please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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