It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
