I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
