i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
