he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
