96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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