just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
