I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
