Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
