ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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