When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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