Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
