We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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