I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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