So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I want her autograph on my taint
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
