i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
