you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
