we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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