dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
