I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
