the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
